How to find the right guy for my daughter
It is our job as parents to help our daughters make smart choices about whom to date and to teach them how to identify the difference between the thrill of attraction and the stability of attachment. The ideal time for discussing these issues is before your daughter even begins dating, but even if it is too late for that, these conversations are worth having. Here are some ideas to get you started. Talk with your daughter about what the make-or-break character traits in a man are so that she can accurately assess potential boyfriends—and eventually a potential spouse. I believe both Mom and Dad will have distinct ideas in this area; so input from both parents will be invaluable. My wife and I have tried to teach our daughters that in order for a boy to be worthy of their interest, he must have certain character traits.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Who Is the Right Person for You? (Personality Test)
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: I'M DATING MY DAD?! Q&AContent:
- 12 Dating Warning Signs to Share with Your Daughter (Plus one more)
- 5 Rules for Introducing a New Partner to Your Kids After Divorce
- Help Your Teen Daughter Get Smart About Dating
- 11 Love Lessons Every Mother Should Teach Her Daughter
- Mothers trying to find Mr Right for their daughters
- Bel Mooney: How can I help my beautiful daughter find her Mr Right?
- Saving Our Daughters From Bad Men And A Life Of Misery
- What to do when your daughter is dating a dud
- Dear Therapist: I Don’t Approve of My Daughter’s Boyfriend
12 Dating Warning Signs to Share with Your Daughter (Plus one more)
It is our job as parents to help our daughters make smart choices about whom to date and to teach them how to identify the difference between the thrill of attraction and the stability of attachment.
The ideal time for discussing these issues is before your daughter even begins dating, but even if it is too late for that, these conversations are worth having. Here are some ideas to get you started. Talk with your daughter about what the make-or-break character traits in a man are so that she can accurately assess potential boyfriends—and eventually a potential spouse.
I believe both Mom and Dad will have distinct ideas in this area; so input from both parents will be invaluable. My wife and I have tried to teach our daughters that in order for a boy to be worthy of their interest, he must have certain character traits.
Even as I was trying to stop Jackie from dating, it was my hope that when she did start to date she would have strong standards for a boy. In the years since, I have asked my daughters what they are looking for in a boy and to write up a list. There is, of course, no guarantee that our kids will take our advice into account.
But even so, I think that encouraging teens to think about the qualities they are looking for in a date and to write down their answers will also help them think more logically about the people they get involved with romantically. They usually ask me what I am looking for in a guy I want to date and what I am looking for in a husband—and then make some of their own suggestions. You might prime the pump by asking your daughter questions such as: What qualities does your dream guy have?
Is he a Christian? What would you like his family structure to look like? How does he treat his family? Would you be happy if he had been in lots of relationships before? What are the three most important personality traits that you think he needs to have? What kinds of school activities do you want him to be involved in?
Does he get good grades? Then, encourage her to measure every potential suitor by her list. This will help her suss out what she is looking for. When I am interested in a guy, my parents ask me these same sets of questions to help make sure that the choice I am making is a smart one. For my oldest sister this same type of moment came early in her relationship with her future husband. While they were driving down the freeway during a terrible ice storm, a car in front of them lost control and crashed.
In that moment her boyfriend was unfazed. In that moment he acted with strength and unflappability and his character confirmed this was a fella for her.
They have been married for thirty-four years. Our daughters need to hear us tell them over and over not to spend one more minute, emotion, or tear on a boy who demonstrates that he is not worthy of their love. How do you guide her to date smart then? Like so many dilemmas in parenting, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. However, unless she has brought home a boy who is an immediate and serious threat to her, you may need to let the situation play out a bit.
Be wary of taking a hard-line approach. To a certain degree your daughter cannot help what she is feeling. You may not be happy with her choice, but the more you push against her, the more she may lean into the boyfriend.
Instead, I recommend that you closely monitor the relationship and be ready to take drastic action if it is needed. You and your daughter should be conversant with the terms lust , attraction , and attachment. As parents we need to remember that if a girl has been in a relationship for just a few months, her feelings for her boyfriend are likely the strongest emotions she has ever felt in her life. If she does not know the difference between attraction and attachment , she is likely to begin making choices and actions based on the idea that she is in love.
Help her understand what real love is, and that sacrifice not stupid sacrifice is very much the heart of love. If your daughter is in a relationship, she should ask herself a few questions: Does he open doors for me? Does he ask me my preference on dates?
Is he willing to make time for me even though he may have a busy schedule? Does he often put my needs ahead of his own?
These are all ways in which a teen boy can demonstrate a willingness to be sacrificial. From the earliest stages of a relationship, our daughters need to know that if a boy is not sacrificial toward her, then he is not worthy of her.
Too many young girls stick around with jerky, selfish boys because they do not understand that attraction and attachment are different. I also encourage you to tell your daughter the story of how your marriage relationship unfolded. As early as her middle school years, take an opportunity to tell her about how you moved from attraction to attachment. Let her know how long you were in the relationship before you knew it was the deep love of attachment. Consider discussing the following list of stupid sacrifices with your daughter, encouraging her to think about the impact of these choices and how she might feel about their consequences, particularly if the relationship ends.
As parents we need to help our daughters maintain limits and boundaries while they are young. The girl is venturing without mature direction and acting on her own instincts and going places emotionally and physically that are not good for her, yet the parents stand idly by.
It is our job as parents to help our daughters understand where safe and healthy limits are when it comes to relationships. Here are some suggestions that I think would have helped guide and protect me when I was a teenage girl. Your daughter is probably not going to like some of these, but I can guarantee you that she will thank you for them later. If your daughter wants to break up with her boyfriend, she needs to make the break as clean and quick as possible.
If you have involved him in your family, this makes it much more difficult for her to do this. He needs to know that he is on the outside of your family and that your daughter is on the inside. People who have balance in their lives recognize that a dating or marriage relationship is just one facet of their identity. While my marriage is a top priority for me, it does not define who I am. Nor should a relationship define your daughter. A dating relationship should be one part of a rich and full life.
A healthy relationship has room for friends, family, sports, hobbies, passions, and more. A healthy dating relationship is one in which time apart is as important as time together; it is one in which the feeling of love is balanced against the understanding of what real love is. If we can help our daughters make this distinction, they will be far more likely to date smart. All rights reserved. As a veteran high school teacher in the public school system, Daniel was troubled by how his students approached dating and relationships.
Friend's Email Address. Your Name. Your Email Address. Send Email. Search for Submit. You ditch your friends mid-movie so you can call and talk with your boyfriend.
You stay home on a Friday night just in case your boyfriend gets done early from his other activity and wants to hang out. You skip a trip going anywhere on this planet so you can spend time with your boyfriend.
You let your grades suffer so you can talk, chat, and text with your boyfriend more. You quit any sport, play, job, musical, or other activity you enjoy to spend more time with your boyfriend.
You skip a class in school to hang out with your boyfriend. This is doubly stupid sacrifice. You are getting stupider by not going to class. You spend less time with your best friends to spend more time with your boyfriend. You lie to your parents about where you are going so you can see your boyfriend. You do things sexually that you think are wrong and inconsistent with who you are and who you want to be. Jacquelyn: Here are some suggestions that I think would have helped guide and protect me when I was a teenage girl.
Help your daughter practice the one-to-one ratio for boyfriend and friends. If she spends Saturday with her boyfriend, make sure she spends Sunday with her girlfriends. It is important that her circle of friends remains intact for many reasons. Do not allow her to be on the computer or accessing the Internet on her smartphone or iPad behind a closed door. This boundary was true of talking to girlfriends as well.
Encourage her to join a club, sport, or activity that interests her and helps her create other sources of connection and relationship. My dad was especially supportive of me creating a community of wonderful women who surround me still to this day. Need I say more? Help your daughter maintain separation from her family life. She needs to realize that unless she is married to him, her boyfriend is not part of your family.
5 Rules for Introducing a New Partner to Your Kids After Divorce
The teenage world is filled with all kinds of boys; some are frogs, but the majority of them—around 75 percent—are perfect princes. These princes do not ride up to your daughter's door in a coach and whisk her off to a ball in a castle, but they are special boys, just as your girl is a special girl. They are usually the boys she knows from school, her neighborhood, or her house of worship.
First, he does not talk to us and we feel he is just different. I understand not everyone is a talker and some people are just quiet, but when you come to our home you could at least try and engage in conversation. He will text me telling me that he is just a quiet guy and does not feel in his comfort zone and would like to meet with me and my husband so we can get to know him, why send a text when you can do that when you come over? Secondly, he has a 6-year-old little boy who is non-verbal autistic.
Help Your Teen Daughter Get Smart About Dating
As a wedding planner, Ann Westwood attends more than her fair share of nuptials. She confesses to shedding a tear or two as her brides walk down the aisle. At 32, Nicola, an actress, is far from finding Mr Right. Some may say time is still on her side, but her mother disagrees — to the extent that she has decided to take matters into her own hands. Ann Westwood pictured right says she wants her daughter Nicole pictured left to find a family man. There was one guy who showed her a knife he kept in his shoe. Another took a picture of her bottom when she was at the bar — and sent it to her the next day! Women are getting married later than ever before, with the average age of a first-time bride now 30, as opposed to 23 back in the Sixties when the mothers were tying the knot. Marilyn pictured right with her daughter Mandy says she wants her daughter to find someone with a great sense of humour.
11 Love Lessons Every Mother Should Teach Her Daughter
Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Email Address. Unfortunately, our world has devalued the art of waiting. And for teenage girls eager to fall in love, that eagerness can get the best of them. They may chase the boys they like instead of waiting for the right boys to chase them — and then wonder why their relationships are empty, short, and shallow.
One of the most common questions divorced parents ask me is: When should I be introducing a new partner to my children? The number-one thing to keep in mind when deciding when to introduce a new partner to your kids is timing after your divorce. Even if both of you are in love and seem to have a lot in common, breakups are common and kids get caught in the crossfire.
Mothers trying to find Mr Right for their daughters
I believe happiness will elude me until my beloved, bright, beautiful daughter is settled. Her problem and therefore naturally mine is that although she's had boyfriends at least three wanting to marry her she's never met anyone who truly 'gets' her - and she isn't prepared to settle for someone just for the sake of it, which she could have done so easily. It seems the guy who has an easy humour, intellect, humanity, who loves the arts and wants a loving friendship, is beyond reach.
There are certain lessons only a mother can teach. A grandmother may not be as relatable, and a sister may not have enough wisdom — which is why it's up to Mom to initiate a heart-to-heart about matters of the heart. Although it can be a difficult subject to broach, your greatest gift to your daughter might just be the knowledge to face tough times and come out stronger. Here are the most important things young women need to know about love — and how to explain them. And that goes for not just significant others but also friends and family. Falling in love can cause a woman to fall out of sync with who she is without her other half.
Bel Mooney: How can I help my beautiful daughter find her Mr Right?
Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear. My year-old daughter has never been married but has had relationships with men and women. My daughter is having a good time but knows that the relationship is going nowhere. I feel she is not thinking clearly and is not valuing herself. One of the hardest aspects of being a parent is recognizing that your children are their own people, and that no matter how differently you see things—or how much you want to protect them—they get to make life choices of their own. Right now, your proposed strategy for communicating your concern and love for your daughter is through punitive action boycotting her boyfriend.
Featured , Kids. In: Featured. Sort of joked. Daughters moving into those teen years and beginning the dating scene freaks out a lot of dads. Flattery is a manipulation to get a person to behave a particular way.
Saving Our Daughters From Bad Men And A Life Of Misery
What to do when your daughter is dating a dud
Dear Therapist: I Don’t Approve of My Daughter’s Boyfriend