Site Logo
Looking for girlfriend > 50 years > My boyfriend uses depression as an excuse

My boyfriend uses depression as an excuse

Site Logo

Sometimes they say things that are really mean and hurtful and can upset people. But repeating hurtful choices is just that — a choice. A nasty pattern of behaviour is not something that should be allowed simply because someone has a mental illness. A person will say something offensive, and others will come to their defence by mentioning their mental illness, as though that gives people a free pass to hurt others.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Using Your Mental illness for Attention

Content:

Online forums

Site Logo

We know those who suffer from depression and other mental illnesses are subject to terrible systematic and interpersonal injustices. We know that the people who set the rules are still holding a bunch of outdated values and ideas despite there being evidence to the contrary. We know there are great barriers to getting help that are not just inside our heads. The average person would see someone struggling against unjust odds and try to help out in any way they can.

The problems start when we conflate the golden rule with a total lack of boundaries. And so we open our doors and hearts and wallets unreservedly, extending a hand of friendship, no matter how many times we get bitten, burned, or have our hearts broken over this. We buy into the idea that boundless love will save this person. Depression is a real illness and depressed people have done terrible things — to themselves and to others. Want to get even more specific?

When I was depressed, I accused my mother of being ashamed of me in front of a store full of people; I yelled at my grandmother for encouraging me to take a non-artistic career path; I went on a starvation diet and tried to pressure my friends into joining me; I got a crush on a teammate and proceeded to stalk him online for a good year.

It holds true for the girlfriend who only uses you as a sounding board, even as you become depressed yourself; and the acquaintance who concern-trolls you about your weight despite numerous requests to shut it down. None of it is okay. And doing the work to recover should not be contingent on your presence, either. From my own experience, getting better can take months, if not years. Week after week of exercises, therapy appointments, and hard work; of rehashing events that happened decades ago; of false starts and slip-ups.

On my good days, I can still read ill-intent into the nice things people say or do for me. The only person who can control me is myself — asking that of anybody else is an impossible task. It would grind any person to dust. Many people who are depressed, in fact, put off asking for help for fear of seeming ungrateful or greedy or worrying their families.

I love my grandmother. I will be ashamed and apologize for my behavior to those people all my life, and work hard to never hurt anybody in the same way again; but if they chose never to forgive me, I would still apologize, still do the work.

You may be reading this and thinking, you have bad days sometimes. You get tired of all the hard work that staying on top of depression takes. You wish people supported you more. You may think that dismissing someone JUST on one of these things is unfair and cruel. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world.

You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement.

None of those behaviors were even remotely okay, and I was not owed forgiveness for any of them. I would agree. But if someone is exhibiting a pattern of behavior, where they treat you badly, trample your boundaries, refuse to get a support network that is not you, and expect you to give them a pass because of depression?

Or your well-being. Katja Bart "Oh, no, what have I done," is the story of my life. Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. More From Thought Catalog. Get our newsletter every Friday! You're in! Follow Thought Catalog. Post to Cancel.

Depression in Relationships: When to Say Goodbye

We know those who suffer from depression and other mental illnesses are subject to terrible systematic and interpersonal injustices. We know that the people who set the rules are still holding a bunch of outdated values and ideas despite there being evidence to the contrary. We know there are great barriers to getting help that are not just inside our heads. The average person would see someone struggling against unjust odds and try to help out in any way they can. The problems start when we conflate the golden rule with a total lack of boundaries.

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community. I'm 23 years old and I've been depressed for two years now, and on meds since the beginning. So, I was troubling myself with some thoughts lately

My boyfriend has a nasty habit of showering me with so much attention and then taking it away. But this taking away only happens when he is with friends and family. And though I understand that he needs to have a social life and spend time with other important people in his life, I can't get over the fact that I am neglected for hours at a time. Sometimes I know that I am being irrational an hour apart sometimes feels like three hours and I get that it's something I just have to learn to be patient about it, but sometimes I am not. This he can't get.

I Dated A Depressed Person — And Nearly Lost Myself In The Process

Your partner would shake their head disapprovingly after you dyed your hair. Your partner was belittling you in front of friends and family — even strangers! They told you it was just gentle teasing, and for a while you agreed and chalked it up to you being overly sensitive. You decide to tell your partner that their teasing hurts your feelings. You get alarmed. Maybe you should have known better than to bring it up, anyway. Their depression already exacerbates their self-loathing, and it was only a little teasing. Why did you have to make them feel bad because you overreacted?

Stop using your mental diagnosis as an excuse

Depression is a serious and common mental health condition, but in some cases, people may fake or exaggerate symptoms to obtain rewards or to avoid undesirable outcomes. Known as malingering, this phenomenon may involve fabricating symptoms of depression or another mental health condition in order to avoid work, military service, or jury duty or to obtain something such as prescription medications. Malingering is not considered a psychiatric condition. It does share some similarities with what is known as factitious disorder. A factitious disorder involves faking symptoms of an illness without a clear motive or hope for a reward.

It's Mental Health Awareness Week and we're looking at people's experiences of mental health issues - their own and those of their loved ones.

Almost all of us experience depression at some point. Maybe work sucks; maybe you're watching all your friends get married while your own dating life is a nightmare; maybe you're so stressed at school that nothing feels right. No matter the cause, the end result was that you felt hopeless. But eventually, you dealt with it in whatever way made sense to you — you went to therapy, you started medication, you headed back home to your parents for love and good food.

Is Your Partner Depressed or Just Not That Into You?

Loved ones often remark that depression has changed the person they love. They don't know if the apapathy they experience is a symptom of the depression or if their partner has fallen out of love with them. This leads to questions like "If he or she gets treatment for depression, will he or she fall back in love with me? There are so many factors involved with relationships that it is impossible to offer any black and white answers to such questions.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Bipolar and Ghosting: Why We Do It - HealthyPlace

Stop justifying your negative actions with the guise of a mental diagnosis. Just stop. We just like to be dramatic and make it out to be this extreme. This means — shocker — that you are in control of your life and the actions that set your life in motion. By using your mental diagnosis — or, on an even lighter note, your mental disposition — as an excuse for acting a particular way, you give your diagnosis the power to rule your life.

‘I broke up with my boyfriend when he had depression’

Breaking up is never easy. Breaking up when your partner is struggling with a psychiatric disorder can be downright painful. But there comes a time in every relationship when it may be necessary to evaluate your options and make difficult choices. No one wants to be accused of abandoning a loved one at their time of greatest need. But neither should you remain in a strained relationship with no conceivable future out of a sense of duty or guilt. Otherwise you may be consumed by guilt or self-doubt, wondering if you did all you could do for your partner — and your relationship.

My friend in question has no filter and generally says what she is thinking and can be a hard person. This was in response to me expressing my feelings (which are.

This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Find a relevant thread or start your own! Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

How to Know If Someone Is Faking Depression

.

Your Depression Isn’t An Excuse To Be An Asshole

.

.

.

Mental illness doesn’t excuse treating people badly

.

.

Comments: 1
  1. Kazragami

    I consider, that you are mistaken. I can defend the position. Write to me in PM, we will talk.

Thanks! Your comment will appear after verification.
Add a comment

© 2020 Online - Advisor on specific issues.