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Questions to ask your marriage counselor

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Going to a marriage therapist may be one of the worst decisions a couple can make for their relationship. Bill Doherty, Ph. Four reasons he cites for approaching a marriage therapist with caution are: incompetence, neutrality, pathologizing, and undermining relationships. Incompetent therapists : Few marriage therapists are trained to work effectively with couples, yet thousands do so anyway not realizing that their incompetence makes marital and family breakdown more likely.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Couples Counseling: Pre marriage questions

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Questions To Ask When Choosing A Marriage Counselor - Paul Friedman

Important Premarital Counseling Questions

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The success or failure of your marriage relationship depends on how well you handle several personal issues. From the relationship itself to financial decisions, children, and sex, you both must know what to expect.

A marriage is a commitment between two people that may have differing views on certain issues. Numerous research studies over the years have proven that talking about these things before your wedding day can significantly affect the success of a marriage.

That's why premarital counseling often involves some very common, but important, questions that dive into the heart of a healthy marriage. By knowing what your partner expects from your life together, you will be better prepared to handle these situations as your relationship grows. It's a good idea to review these questions with your partner.

These first questions may be the most important. If you don't know why you're getting married or have different views of where you'll be in a few decades, it could cause problems down the road. Ask yourselves:. If you have not lived with your partner before marriage, sharing a home can be surprising. Sometimes it's the seemingly insignificant things that can get under your skin and cause bigger problems than expected.

Think about:. While religion and spiritual beliefs may be taboo topics for polite society, they can play a big role in your marriage. Consider these questions:. Money can cause a lot of stress in a family, and studies show that finances are one of the leading causes of divorce. You don't necessarily have to agree on everything, and maybe one of you is better at certain aspects of it than others.

As a partnership, dealing with your financial future together and understanding short-and long-term goals is a wise move. Think about these issues:. Not every couple wants to have kids, but it's a good idea to keep an open dialogue about it. These questions lay a foundation for continuing this conversation later:.

Every family is different, so understanding how your future spouse grew up and their relationship with parents and siblings today will be very helpful. After all, you're each marrying into a new family, so it's best to try and understand them. Talk about:. No relationship can survive on sex alone, and intimacy is just as important. While you might think you know a lot about your partner's views on either, it's wise to have a serious conversation about it before marriage.

Also, some of these questions get into topics like jealousy, loyalty, and self-esteem. As a supportive partner, you'll find them to be beneficial reminders for what your spouse may be going through emotionally. Consider these questions about physical intimacy:. You've probably heard that communication is key to a good marriage , and it's true. Your life together will be filled with important decisions, trying times, and some conflict.

It's a natural part of spending your life with another person. You can start it off right by talking about how you'll handle these situations when they come up:.

Why are we getting married? What do we as a couple want out of life? Do you think our relationship will change after we are married? What do you think we'll be doing in 30 or 40 years? How would you describe yourself? How do you think I see you? Do you think it is important to know one another's physical and mental health histories? How often do you drink? Have you ever hit someone? Do you have a criminal record? Will you clean the toilet? How are we going to divide up the household chores? Does religion play an important part in your life?

Do you think faith and spirituality are important in a marriage? What is your image of God? Can we talk about money? Are you a saver or spender when it comes to money? How much do we owe in debts and what are our assets? Do you want to have a budget? What are our financial goals? Should we have a joint checking account, separate accounts, or both?

Who is going to be responsible for making sure the bills are paid on time? Do you consider going to the movies and having a vacation every year a necessity or a luxury?

Do you have any outstanding fines or debts? What are our plans for purchasing a home? Do we both know where our important financial documents are located?

Do you want to have children? Do we want to have children? If we decide we do, how many children do you want to have? How long should we be married before having children? What kind of parent do you think you will be?

What is your parenting philosophy? Will one of us stay home after we have children? What type of birth control should we use if we want to postpone or prevent parenthood? How do you feel about adoption? Do you have any children already? What was your childhood like? Was your family an affectionate one? Do you think we will have problems with your family during the holidays? What do you like and dislike about your family? What do you like and dislike about my family?

What do you like and dislike about your parents' marriage? What do you like and dislike about my parents' marriage? How much time will we spend with our in-laws? Can we talk about sex? Should we talk about sex? Are you comfortable discussing your sexual likes and dislikes? What are your expectations of our sexual relationship? Am I a jealous person? Do I have trust issues or feel insecure? How important are affirmations to me? Do I handle compliments well? Do you think we listen to one another well?

Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another? How do you want to spend our days off? What are your expectations about how we will spend our free time? Do you believe that we should be doing everything together? Can we each pursue our interests? Do you need time alone? How would you feel if I want a night out with my friends now and then?

How will we make sure we have quality time together? How will we make decisions together? Are we both willing to face difficult areas or do we try to avoid conflict? Do you think we have problems in our relationship that we need to deal with before the wedding?

Do we handle conflict well? How are we different?

How to Choose a Good Therapist

For many couples, the idea of bringing a third party into their intimate relationship is scary — or just plain out of the question. Luckily, the stigma associated with couples therapy is well on its way out. Healthy couples are enlisting counseling professionals to help work through sticky patches, large and small, and are better for it. Still, it can truly be tricky getting started.

Getting your spouse to agree to marriage counseling is often the hardest part of counseling. One of the ways to get the most out of counseling is to be prepared. Putting together a list of questions helps to keep the conversation on track.

Ever wonder what you need to talk about before you get married? As a marriage counselor offering premarital counseling for many years, I have selected these as the most important topics along with questions for you to explore before you walk down the aisle. Trouble discussing any of these issues might suggest to you that sitting down with a premarital counselor could be helpful. You can contact me directly at

What Are The Top Relationship Counseling Questions?

The connection you share with your counselor is an important part of effective therapy. Making the first contact with prospective therapists can be a little stressful - it helps to be prepared. Therapists on The National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists sm should be able and willing to answer these questions. Marriage therapy or counseling is one of the most challenging forms of therapy which means it can be risky for your marriage if you are not with someone experienced. Marriage Friendly Therapists exists because not only were couples coming to Kathleen Wenger but therapists themselves, coming for their own therapy, were each complaining of their awful experiences. When asked where they could go for marriage therapy, Kathleen did not have a good source to refer them -this is why the Registry was created. What many couples are not aware of is that you can practice marriage therapy without any experience, training, or coursework. Any counseling license and there are many allows anyone to see couples even if they have never seen a couple before or read anything about couples therapy. Your marriage needs an experienced therapist who also believes your marriage is worth saving.

Answer These 5 Questions Before Heading to Couples Counseling

People who call therapists seeking couples counseling often have two primary concerns: They worry about the state of their relationship , of course, but they also worry about the experience of therapy itself. What good will it do? With that in mind, we asked Clark and other therapists to respond to some of the most common questions people have about going to couples counseling. Looking for a few ways to cut the cost? This guide breaks down how you can keep things affordable.

Before starting marriage counseling , your mind may be racing with questions. You may wonder if the therapist can save your marriage.

The success or failure of your marriage relationship depends on how well you handle several personal issues. From the relationship itself to financial decisions, children, and sex, you both must know what to expect. A marriage is a commitment between two people that may have differing views on certain issues. Numerous research studies over the years have proven that talking about these things before your wedding day can significantly affect the success of a marriage.

8 Questions About Couples Therapy You May Be Too Afraid To Ask

Great directories are important and I've included several here Listen to this 2. Couples therapy is distinctly different from individual therapy. And it should be a good fit for the types of problems you're facing.

Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She a licensed marriage and family therapist, a licensed psychologist, and board certified life coach. Communication feels hard. Resentments are building. But now you have a new problem: How do you find a marriage counselor? Specifically, how do you find a good marriage counselor or couples therapist who can help you make real and lasting change in your relationship?

20 Helpful Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Spouse

Marni Feuerman is a psychotherapist in private practice who has been helping couples with marital issues for more than 27 years. Finding a good marriage counselor that's affordable and nearby is hard enough. But discovering one that you both actually feel comfortable talking with can be even tougher. Asking your physician, spiritual advisor, or married friends for a referral is really the ideal choice, but many couples find it difficult to disclose their private marital issues. Conducting an online search, too, can feel like you're looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack among the variety of people hanging out a shingle. If you're serious about marriage counseling , solving recurring arguments, and busting open those clogged lines of communication, these four tips will help you vet a counselor's credentials, conduct your search, and ask all the right questions so you can confidently choose a marriage counselor you both like and trust.

Dec 3, - Marriage Counseling Questions About Trust. Take turns asking and answering the following questions to help you start a conversation about trust.

Reviewer Whitney White, MS. Ask A Relationship Therapist. Schedule Your Appointment Online Now. Source: rawpixel. As you and your partner begin your relationship counseling journey, or even if you have yet to discuss the possibility of visiting a therapist to help you with some of your issues, you will discover that there is, even more, you need to discover about not only yourselves but about each other in order to make changes and propel the relationship forward.

Marriage Counseling Questions You Can Ask Each Other

My name is Tatiana, but my friends and family call me Tutta. I like writing articles that help bring people closer together. These two words change everything.

Questions To Ask a Marriage Therapist

A licensed marriage and family therapist will often ask specific marriage counseling questions as a way to identify problematic areas of your relationship. Whether you are a newlywed or working on your 50th anniversary, there is always room for improvement. Some days will be much easier than others. It is these ups and downs in your relationship that can strengthen your marriage.

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